Skulduggery Pleasant Drabbles
by Miss-River-Blaze
Summary: Whether or not the Target is a dummy or a super evil guy, Skulduggery Pleasant and his partner Valkyrie will be their to stop them. Something happens then something else if this story continues!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Valkyrie slid to the end of the table before leaping up in the air and lashing a kick out into her targets jaw, dropping down, she hit them in the ribs, then fainting to the right before having a suprise attack as she pushed the air so her target flew back into the wall. "Well done, i'm sure no dummy can take you on now" Valkyire looked around to see her partner standing behind her, Valkyrie felt herself smile "Shutup, that dummy had no idea what was coming" Skulduggery held his hands up "I'm being seroiuse, all dummys will tremble in fear as they hear your name." Valkyrie tried hitting him but he served out of the way. "Anyway i've got something to show you." Skulduggery said in a serious tone and led the way into his living room, there stood some kind of violin "Ta-da!" SKulduggery called out, waving his hands, Valkyrie raised her eyebrows at him "You have a violin, for what reson may I ask" Skuduggery shook his head sadly, tutting at Valkyrie "Oh Valkyrie, I know your not the brightest bulb but it is clearly a fiddle. As you have noticed I am a amazing person, and with my extrodaniry talents I can learn new things very quickly and be amazing at them" Valkyrie grinned at him "You ego is never going to go, is it?"

"Not even remotly."

"That doesn't even make any sence."

"Neither does your tiny brain"

"Ouch. That stung."

"Well you'll forgive me in a few seconds, do you want to here me play?" Before Valkyrie could she she would rather gourge her eyeballs out, Skulduggery had the fiddle in his hand and began playing. The music started and it sounded like a cat screeching, dying on the spot. Valkyrie covered her ears and yelled "Stop!" Skulduggery stopped and looked puzzled "That was amazing, why did you say stop?" Valkyrie wasn't sure wether she heard right. "Amazing? How was that amazing, I would rather die than listen to that for an hour" Skulduggery raised his head "You don't appreciate good music when you hear it, thats all." Valkyrie let out a laugh until she realised he was hurt "Wow. You actually care, dont you?" Skulduggery looked up "What? Of course I care, I dont want to listen to terrible music while i'm with you now do I?"

**Hello! Should I continue writing? I dunno! Sorry for spelling mistakes and all, I'm no awesome speller. Thanks for reading and all! Please review! Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Hurry! Clarabell may be dead now!" Valkyrie exclaimed, Skulduggery pressed the pedal down and the beloved Bentley went faster

"I don't want to damage my baby!" Skulduggery replied, patting his car admiringly. Valkyrie rolled her eyes and raised her eyebrows

"What? You know Clarabell, she'll say she's in danger but when we turn up she'll just be scared of the monsters under the bed" Valkyrie whacked her self in the fore-head

"There were monsters under her bed!" SKulduggery's shoulders dropped

"Oh. I always forget that part" and drove in faster.

Skulduggery kicked at the towering door, the door moaned but wouldn't budge, Valkyrie was very amused by this

"The great detective greatest enemy who he can't defeat... A wooden door" Skulduggery looked at her

"I'm only just warming up,this door hasn't seen the fearful side of me." Valkyrie fell to the floor, clutching her stomach with soundless laughter.

"Shut up." SKulduggery kicked the door one last time, as it came of it hinges and fell to the ground. He looked at Valkyrie

"Amazed yet?" Valkyrie managed to get back up and wiped a tear from her eye,

"Well done, you defeated a door." she clapped slowly, still laughing slightly. Skulduggery just shook his head slowly

"Can never impress young people these days." Then they walked into the room, searching for Clarabell.

"Help!Help!" A scream bounced of the roosms walls, alerting Skulduggery and Valkyrie.

"Come on!" Skulduggery whispered, grabbing her hand and running towards the plead, they ran to another door, which burst opened, there sat Claarabell in the corner of the room chained to a chair, her face brightened up when she saw Valkyrie and Skulduggery

"Over there save me!" she pointed towards another door, the shackles which held Clarabell shifted slightly and fell off, quickly she picked it back up and shackled herself again. Valkyrie opened the door and both of them charged in, in the middle of the room stood a table with cloth over it, the cloth had messy writing on it and spelt :

Evil Dr. Watermelon

Ontop of the table lay a water melon, with a angry face drawn on it,

"You have got to be kidding me." Skulduggery murmured staring at Evil Dr. Watermelon. Valkyrie grinned,

"What, can you not defeat the doors master, Evil Dr. Watermelon?" Skulduggery sighed

"Sometimes, I hate you. You know that right?"

"I know" Valkyrie stood back as Skulduggery walked up Evil Dr. Watermelon, took the watermelon in both hands and snapped it, he took out a piece of the watermelon and offered it to Valkyrie, Valkyrie took it and took a bite

"You know, Evil Dr. Watermelon tastes nice." taking another bite out if their enemy, she walked back into the other room. Clarabell stood in the middle of the room, out of the chains and looked at the both with great happiness

"My hero's!" She called out in a Texas accent and flung herself at the Skulduggery and Valkyrie.

**Howdy y'all! Wow, they get deadly enemies don't they? Lol, please review and all cause you all know I like dat. Sorry for spelling errors I do hope y'all forgive me. Bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 pt a:

Valkyrie slid across the wall before crouching down under the shadows. Creeping up towards her victim, Valkyrie pointed her gun at the man. Putting one finger on the trigger she slowly pulled it back _Pew!Pew!Pew!_ The man dived for saftey and Valkyrie let out a small curse. The element of suprise was now gone and she missed him. Lazer shooting was so hard. Valkyrie jumped on the wall,wrapping her leg around the frame,grunting with effort she pulled her-self across until she was above her opponent, her oppenent was in a hat and a very good suit _you're going down Skulduggery_ she thought as she held onto the frame with one hand and had the lazer gun in the other, taking careful aim, Valkyrie was about to shoot until Skulduggery looked up,

"Cheat!" Skulduggery exclaimed, rolling forwards into a stand then running into the opposite directions,

"Says you!" Valkyrie called back, landing back down on the floor. How on _earth_ was she going to win?!

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Skulduggery POV**

Skulduggery crouched down, _she really is a cheater_ he thought. Well the cheater will just have to get cheated, and even better than they cheated. _It won't be so hard, I am so amazing it will be easier than blinking._ The lights suddenly dimmed, flickered then they were brought into pitch black. Skulduggery looked at his body, the places were his suit and hat weren't covering were shining with a blinding light. He sighed, why did he have to be so great at everything? "Oh Valkyrie, this is cheating to the extreme,turning of the lights." Skulduggery brought his hands to his teeth, did he really just say that out loud? _For once in my life I have done something stupid._ A voice drawled from behind Skulduggery

"Now, that wasn't Miss. Caine my boney friend" Skulduggery turned around to see Ghastly walking up to him, a lazer gun pointing to Skulduggerys chest, Skulduggery cursed

"I though it was only me and Valkyrie." Ghastly chuckled

"You really think everyone else would want to miss out in all the fun?" Skulduggery shrugged, bringing out his lazer gun, pointing it towards the roof.

"Aw, you're making me blush, I know i'm fun and all, but we could of just gone somewhere else if you wanted a laugh" Skulduggery fired his lazer gun and Ghastley tried swerving out of the way, but as he got shot, Gastly chestplate turned red, then flickered out.

"Looks like your dead, don't feel to bad, I am perfect, and no-one can't beat someone perfect." Skulduggery heard a noise somewhere and ran into the darkness.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Fletcher POV**

Fletcher looked around, holding the lazer gun to his chest, Ghastly told everyone that Val and Skulduggery went out lazer shooting and that they should join in, everyone agreed and Fletcher joined in, it been a while since they all went out to do something like this. It was quite likely that Fletcher was going to win, him being awesome and all, plus the hair. The hair will win anything, Fletcher put his hand to his hair, making it more awesome, until his fingers brushed through thin air. Fletcher stopped smiling, he forgot he had to make it flat, Tainth told him one of the rules were that no one was allowed awesome hair. He remember her mouth twitching, as if about to laugh. He asked what the joke was but she said nothing. Fletcher stopped mid-step, his mouth hung open as it dawned on him that they were joking about the no awesome hair rule. He had walked around the lazer arena for about half an hour without even realising he could have his awesome hair. Fletcher walked around until he spotted Tainth creeping up behind him. He turned around and got on his hands and knees

"Please, shoot me!" Fletcher begged, clutching at Tainths jacket. Tainth laughed as she saw Fetcher

"Nice hair, Fletch, figured out yet?" Fletcher nodded and Tainth laughed again.

"Alright, i'll shoot you, going to fix your hair, are you?" Tainth pointed her gun at Fletchers chestplate and was about to fire until Fletcher suddenly got his gun out, teleported behind Tainth and shot her in the back. Tainths chestplate flickered red, then went down. Tainth stood there like a statue. Fletcher teleported infront of Taint to see the shocked look on her face and laughed, he managed to speak between gasps of laughter

"Thats...for making...me...put my hair...down." Fletcher teleported away before Taint could hit him,_ I've got a chance of winning this._

**Hi guys! I decided I am going to be focused on my Skulduggery Pleasant series this month! I'd just like to say thanks to **_**Carolina Blues **_**for giving me some constructive feedback, I've taken it to heart and will try my best to make it better! Also to **_**Justrockzyxxx **_**for since you have also reviewed and also helped me! Cheers guys! I shall be making another part of this since I really am enjoying writing this, I am so sorry about the last part, I really don't like it. I know it's horrible. I had it figured out in my head to be perfect and awesome but as I wrote it, it just went to fast, and I didn't get the charaters personalties right. Just had an idea! Why don't you decide who's going to win the lazer shooting competion! Here are the players:**

**Skulduggery**

**Valkyrie**

**Ghastly (dead)**

**Tainth (dead)**

**Fletcher**

**Clarabell**

**China**

**The Killer Supreme**

**Alice Valkyrie's little sis **

**Have fun picking! Please review, I'm sorry for spelling mistakes, WordPad don't have spell check, so i've tried my best looking for them but I found hopefully all of them, if not. Sorry! Bye guys!**


	4. Chapter 4: The real Lord V

Rap Battle

Lord Vile walked up towards the forbidden forest, closely followed by Darquesse, Remnant Tainth, Barry (Baron Vengence) and the rest of the crew. Every predator the walked into the killed within a blink of an eye until finally they saw a flicker of light through the trees. There was a hushed conversation, echoing through the trees. Finally Lord Vile stepped one foot into their camp. Every face turned to watch them walk in. It seemed like every deatheater was watching their every room. A man with a pale face and no nose stood up, disbelief on his face,

"Harry Potter." Darquesse stared at him, grinding her teeth together,

"Hey Voldy, it ain't Harry Potter. He's coming in an hour for you to kill him. It's Lord Vile." Voldemort walked up to Vile, a snake-smile on his face,

"Aaah, I see. Have you come to join the deatheaters?" Tainth let out a laugh,

"Join? Hell to the no! We come to settle something." Voldemort looked at Vile, asking him with his eyes, finally Lord Vile spoke,

"We came here to settle who the real Lord V is. Then I'm gonna kick your ass." Bellatrix ran forward, screeching her every word,

"It is already settled, it is obvious that my Lord is the true Lord V!" Voldemort put one long finger against her lips, he turned to face Vile,

"It has never truly be settled, but I will warn you. You will be disappointed afterwards." Lord Vile nodded,

"Lets do this. The best man who wins is the real V." Voldemort nodded, stretching his neck,

"Lets do this... Rap style." Darquesse looked at them both,

"Da fuq?" But Voldemort had already started to rap,

"I'm the darkest dark wizard in all of history

I'll slay your ass out like Cedric Diggory.

With a wave of my finger I'll put you on the floor

You's a skeleton without that armour of yours

I'm the best wizard rapper you ever will see

You ain't the real Lord V and will never be

I've got multiple souls and can raise the dead

If you think you can win then you've been sorely misled."

The Deatheaters cheered as Voldemort looked at Vile, waiting for him to challenge him,

"Lord Vile, Lord Vile!" They chanted behind him, Lord Vile nodded and suddenly pursued into a rap,

"I'm Lord Vile, not the Killer Supreme,

do you really think you can handle, a piece of me,

I was in toughest gang around,

Called the Dead men crew,

I look at you, and see what you do,

You're a noob at killing, I can see your new,

You have no nose, your frickin' ugly, you can't do worse,

You'd be nothing without that little killing curse."

"Hell yeah! Win it Vile!" Barry shouted from behind, Bellatri ran towards Voldemort,

"You won't let them win my Lord, you are the try Lord V." Voldemort pushed Bellatrix away and started to rap his heart out,

"Poor little Vile, you're such sad man.

Do you miss your Wife? Your Child? Your frying pan?

Oh that's right, That guy killed 'em, and you too .

All your friends are next, I'll cut right through your crew.

My boys are called death eaters, they're black magic studs

They'll make you disappear, they don't care for your faceless ones

You can never find me, I ain't no charmer

You can't hide from me with your stupid armour

You think you're invisible, but I can see through that!

I'll run up with my wand and go RAT-A-TAT-TAT."

Vile tilted his head to the side,

"Did you take my frying pan?" Voldemort laughed,

"I did warn you that you'd be disappointed." Vile stood still,

"You fucking bastard!" Darquesse stared at Voldemort sadly,

"Too far man, too far..."

**Hey Guys! Haven't wrote one of these in a while :P , The raps arn't great. I did not write the Voldemorts rap but I did write Lord Vile's (you can see the big diffrence) Hoped you enjoy and who do you think won? Who is the real Lord V?:P Bye Guys!**


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